Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
