South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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