We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
