Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
