It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
