Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
As shirtless as possible
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
