did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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