i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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