$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
