He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
