a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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