he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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