the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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