She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
