Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
