just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
