Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
