I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
