There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
