i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
