o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
