its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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