Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
