I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
