i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Randomize