thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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