Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
