Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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