Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
did you just send me my own nude
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
