the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
