Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
