i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
