shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
