he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Randomize
