that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
