cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
