he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
