She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
