guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
