ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
