Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
