Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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