Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
