Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
