We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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