I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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