Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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