just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
