my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
it was like eating out sand paper
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
