I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
