This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Randomize
