i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
