she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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