im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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