i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
