Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
